It's the little things like this that make me happy!

Have you ever come across something and were so impressed that you wanted to tell everyone about it? Yes! Well that just happened to me about 30 minutes ago.

This is not a sponsored post. This is genuine blog loving.

I'm pretty close to becoming a professional bridesmaid. I'm the maid of honour in one of my best friend's wedding at the end of October. I am absolutely over the moon for her. So in love with her husband to be (he's already my daughter God Father) and eager to do anything that I can to help. Another one of my close friends has asked me to be a bridesmaid in her weddding - set for next summer.

Planning the bridal shower for wedding number 1 right now, and just like I did for baby's first birthday, soaking up as much online inspiration as I can. In the process I came across Printable Press. They're a great online source of invitations. They allow you to customize invitation themes, and then print them yourself.

Just choose the theme, it can be customized in as early as a week, download the final files as a PDF and print yourself. Whether it's 20 or 200 your costs are the same. With pricing like $70 for the invitation, $30 for the response card and insert card, $40 save the date, you can't go wrong.

My only disclaimer is that I have't ordered it myself. But with designs like these how can you not be excited!

Beautiful and genius. Not only will I tell my bride to be friends, I also wanted to share with you too.

~ humps

Deflated

I was bent over. Arms reaching in opposite directions. Trying to fold my right leg diagonally to the left and my left leg to the right. My head was touching the ground. It was like that round of Twister in my high-school atrium, just 60 pounds heaver with mom boobs and greying hair.

I was deflating the kiddie pool. Or should I say, the kiddie pool was deflating me.

When they say hindsight is 20/20, I think they are specifically addressing Wal-Mart purchases. In the aisle of their seasonal section that hot day, the big inflatable pool seemed like the best possible option. And those extra features! Oh boy! The inflatable arches. The momma dinosaur with inflatable head and tail. The inflatable toys. How amazing. BABY will just love it. This will make her summer.

It started to become clearer that this might be a bad idea when I took that purchase home. When I took the pool out of the package and tried to unfold the bright coloured plastic, I noticed those many many air valves in the various crevaces in the many locations on the pool. And, to make a scary situation even scarier, ten of my biggest and hottest breaths of air made no difference to the pool's lifeless state.

I got in the car with that pool in the backseat - beside the carseat - and drove to the gas station. I pulled up beside the air pump. Did you know that you have to PAY for air at the gas station now-a-days? Not really sure when that started or why. I took out my walet, plugged quarters into the machine, and started to get to work our brand new inflatable pool. Many dollars and rounds of purchased air later, I was craming an inflated pool - arches, dinosaur head, toys and all - into the trunk and folded down seats of my sedan, beside the carseat. As I slowly drove back home, I held my breath (that I still had thankfully) and prayed that the inflatable pool, now somewhat tucked into my car but not really, wouldn't pick up the wind and blow away on the busy throughway from the gas station to our house.

The memories were flooding back this weekend. While I was on mission pool deflation, thinking that I was letting out some pretty expensive air, I tried to calculate the time that my daughter actually spent playing in the pool. I tried to count the number of air valves for those wonderful extra features: the inflatable arches, the momma dinosaur with inflatable head and tail, the inflatable toys. I tried to map out where to hold and grab and step and twist to get the air out. I tried to count the time that it would to get it deflated.

And as I lay on my back in the grass, with my right arm reaching to the right and the left arm reaching to the left I couldn't help but smile. Can't wait to do it all again next year.

~ humps

The Humidity Diet

It's freaking hot. Northeastern US and Central Canada - including where I am in Toronto - are under the vice of a heat wave that has lasted for the past few days. There are extreme heat alerts, heat advisories, UV warnings, smog advisories, humidex advisories. However you slice it, the weather is making even the most die-hard fans of warm summers days, like myself, run for cover in the air conditioning. Yesterday, I went out over the lunch period and feared, to be quite honest with you, that I might melt into asphalt. It was sick and disturbing.

As I sat under the AC vent in my office with my blouse unbuttoned to career-limiting degrees, it occurred to me - a miraculous benefit to the crazy weather. A benefit it is much need and surely will be embraced by many. I'd like to call it the Humidity Diet. There are just three key elements:

1. Avoid any extraneous physical activity to acquire food, such as going to the grocery store, grocery shopping, packing groceries and loading groceries into a vehicle.

- This will encourage you to optimize the food that you do have on hand. It requires true creativity to make a family meal with tuna, condensed soup, pie filling and saltine crackers. Think of it as a culinary experiment and opportunity to watch those calories. Plus slaving over the stove must be good too.

2. Don't go anywhere. If you are fortunate enough to be able to spend your daytime hours in an air conditioned environment, don't go anywhere. If you are home, stay home. If you are at work, stay at work. Waiting out the peak period is a blessing. You can re-emerge in the evening, when you are less likely to melt into the asphalt.

- There are waistline benefits of this too. You are encourage to plan and prepare lunches ahead of time. Your organizational skills will blow others away and increase your confidence. Not going outside can only boost your productivity. I see a raise in your future.

- If you have forgotten to bring a lunch, you can still benefit. Scrounging around the office for lunch - that granola bar in your desk drawer, cheese stick in your purse, peppermints on your co-worker's desk and cup of coffee could be a suitable, impromptu meal and great lesson in portion control.

3. If you do go outside, aim for the hottest time of the day - noon! If you're lucky, you will happen upon other lunch-goers on the roads, in the parking lots, and food establishments of your community. Bonding with others and fostering your patience and empathy, particularly during extremely uncomfortable temperatures, is great for your personal development.

- The potential weight loss benefits are numerous! The sweltering midday humidity has been known to suppress appetites. Chances are that you will opt for a lighter lunch or skip the meal all together. (Zero calories are the best kind of calories.) Plus, you'll be sweating a whole lot too. That's good for at least a few pounds of water weight. A portable sauna, for free!

I encourage to you embrace the humidly this summer and think of it as an opportunity to shed a few lbs. Please note: like any new diet or fitness regime, consult your doctor.

~ humps

Confessions of a Man-Hater

I am not a bust the windows of your car, throw your clothes out of the window, light your house on fire type of woman. I wouldn't say that I am a woman scorned. I tend not to use loaded, overly passionate words like Hate too often.

I am a single parent. I raise my hand as a person with relationship issues (because I am either a terrible judge of character or naive, and someone who can't "make it work".) I am jaded. I am skeptical. Where I once believed in love at first sight and happily ever after, I sit in the cold, wet reality on the outside of that fairytale. "Snap out of it kid. Life doesn't work like that."

Although I can go on and on about how these feelings are internalized, I am very comfortable admitting that I blame men for these issues. Not a man, or a few men, I blame MEN. All of them. I blame MEN when it comes to relationships.

MEN are dogs. MEN suck. MEN are selfish. MEN will break your hearts, if you let them.

Sure they are good, great even, at lots of things. They have wonderful qualities. I'm not convinced, though, that MEN can do one to one relationships. Not sure how to explain why I feel that way other than to say that I'm holding out for evidence. I have lots of examples to the negative, not many examples to the positive. Generalization? Yes.

Yes, I am extrapolating the experiences from one and cascading it to the billions. I am generalizing a gender. I have used my great wisdom earned from just a few broken hearts to fuel blacklisting of many.

I may not say it out loud but I am living in my "man hating world" when I meet your husband, boyfriend, fiance. Through my voice you'll hear "Nice to meet you!" or "How's it going?" but there's a fairly good chance that I'm thinking "He seems ok for now" or "Hope he doesn't fuck up" or "This is not going to end well".

This post is called Confessions of a Man-Hater for a reason. I am a closet man hater. I am a man hater who you would never suspect could be slinging such man hate.

Is there hope yet for me to escape my man-hating ways? I hope so. I hope that somehow this dark, abandonned heart will be warmed. I hope that I will wake up to the sun shining into my window and forget what it feels like to say "you suck" under my breath. I hope that I will turn the corner one day, moving forward to the horizon hate-free. I hope that I will put on my coat from seasons' past to find my rose-colored glasses in the side pocket and I will love love more than I hate men.

But right now I am wallowing in my untrusting, unbiased, unwaivering, funky to the core, brickwalls too high to surpass man hate.

These are just my confessions as a man-hater.

When do working moms blog?

I went back to work and fell off the face of the earth. Not just on this blog. Not just on Twitter. Not just in the many areas that have filled my time since BABY was born. Everywhere. To everyone. I went back to work and don't know how I am able to write this message. I am tired.

I returned to work after a wonderful year of maternity leave. I had an amazing, rewarding, special, unforgettable year off when BABY was born. I feel so luck to have been able to take that time for the little one. Given the current state of my bank account and credit rating, I knew that the fun was coming to an end. All things considered, I was excited about returning back to the working world.

To say that it is an adjustment is an understatement of severe portions. I am exhausted. I am stressed. I miss my daughter terribly. There's no better way to put it.

Knowing that my return was during a very busy time of year for my job, I was expecting some level of craziness. To be completely honest, I wasn't prepared for how different life would be as a working mom.

No one told me how crazy it would be! So, I compiled a list.

Top 10 things no one tells you about being a working mom:
1. "Priorities" and "Work-Life Balance" take on a new meaning and a regular place in your vocabulary.
2. You will feel guilty every minute that you are away from your kid.
3. Make-work and things that waste your time will be more frustrating than ever before.
4. You will do all that you can to get home in time to see the look of shear elation on your kid's face each night.
5. Your single coworkers will think you're a slacker for leaving work "early".
6. You will need to take many days off for doctor's appointments, sick days, tummy bugs, fevers - both you and the kid.
7. Your single coworkers will think you're a slacker for working at home.
8. Working at home is nearly impossible with a screaming one year old.
9. Between the high cost of daycare and other baby related expenses it will feel like you are working for free.
10. You will miss blogging.

Fellow moms at work now muse about the adjustments. All I can ask is where was this information before?

~ humps

Having A Child

"Making the decision to have a child -it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." -Elizabeth Stone

Happy Mother's Day. Hope that all of the mother's in your life had a great day.

And then she was ONE...

I woke up one morning and I had a one year old. I don't quite know how it all happened. I really didn't see it coming. I was still in the 8-month old stage. I was still in the baby cuddles, sleeping on my chest, holding my finger as tight as possible stage. I was still in the needing me for everything stage.

But now I have a one year old. I have a toddler. I have an independent, let me do it, try to catch me if you can, I need to figure it out one year old. My baby girl is not a baby anymore. She's a one year old...





~ humps

I Eat My Words

Despite what I said in this post, it is late at night on a Monday. And while BABY sleeps, I am putting together lootbags.... and paper flowers, and Martha Pom Poms, and centerpieces. I have more scrap paper and glue sticks and tissue paper and plastic coated wire and half inch wooden dowels on my kitchen table than I ever thought possible. If you would have told me that I would be doing all this for my daughter's first birthday, I would have shaken my head and said that was crazy talk.

But I'm sucker, with a need to please. The guilt of going back to work - next week! - just days before BABY turns one is conjuring up crafting skills that I didn't know existed.

More on my anxiety-ridden month - with second chances for her Dad, putting BABY in daycare, starting work and planning a first birthday - coming up soon.

And now, I must finish my crafts...

~ humps

Warm Front

When the weather in Toronto warms up a bit, there is a palpable excitement.

We are so used to hibernating during the months of Winter. Used to layering long johns and fleece and knit scarves and toques until we are covered from toe to head. Used to running to warm up the car, then running back to the house, then running back to a still cold car. Used to leaving for work when it's dark outside and coming back home when it's dark. When we see neighbors we commiserate about the shitty weather.

Then comes a warm front from the west. It seems to coincide with the longer days in Spring. We receive a combination of higher temperatures, and wait a minute, is that, sunshine!

People wake up out of the fog that is winter and step into the light. We flock to the light like moths. We are all hungry for it. We want the air to drift into our open car windows, to blow into our open jackets. Kids run outside with basketballs under their arms or sandboxes on their minds. Office workers take their lunches to park benches or cinder block planters. We congregate to the nearest patio, even if we have to still huddle together in this small tease of good weather. Mothers with strollers take long, leisurely walks.

BABY learned to crawl and walk over the winter. She perfected her abilities on the living room rug, the worn down pile of indoor playground carpet, on clinical tile and on hardwood.

Yesterday, after taking our own leisurely walk around the block, with our jackets open, I took her out of her stroller. We sat on the grass. The grass that was still cold and brown from last week's temperatures. She walked and stumbled. She reached for the grass and took baby sized handfuls out of the earth. She held it out to me. "Grass!" I said. "That is grass!" She nodded in understanding. She looked at me and wobbled in the other direction.

This is going to be a great summer.
~ humps

A Photo Retrospective

Tomorrow my little baby will be 11 months old. I can’t believe that time has flown so fast. Very soon she will be a 1 year. Very soon she won’t be my little baby. And, if you have read a few of my posts you will know that I am very sentimental about my little muffin, monkey, pumpkin, sugar face growing so quickly.

Words can’t do it justice.

So instead, here are some never blogged before pictures of the little one over the last 11 months. It's rare for me to post pictures so this is a special treat. And tell me, wouldn't you want her to stay little like I do?!

~ humps

I Cheered

I wasn't paying attention. My head was down washing dishes while Baby played with her toys in the living room. I looked up periodically to make sure that she was ok. That she wasn't climbing furniture, or eating books, or getting into trouble. That she was safe.

When I rounded the corner she was standing up, holding onto the couch and facing me. She's been cruising for months so it wasn't too unusual. Finding interesting ways to make it across the room, holding on to various edges at varying heights. But this time she let go. And took two confident and exaggerated steps to the side. Without holding on.

I froze. "Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing? Is she? Is she walking?!!"

It took some time for the wires that connect my eyes with my brain to signal that I was in fact watching a fairly significant milestone. I was watching her take her very first steps at 10 months. It took even more time for my brain to tell the rest of my body exactly what I needed to do about it. Should I get the camera?

And like that my knees gave out. I feel to the floor and did what any excited-first-time-mother watching-her-little-baby-take-a-first-step would do. I cheered. I hollered. I waved my hands. I'm not sure if I was actually saying anything in particular, like "Go! Go! Go!" or if it was random jibberish. But whatever it was scared the crap out of her. She fell down on her butt. She looked at me.

In hindsight, the cheering maybe wasn't the best way to handle the situation. I can put myself in her shoes and appreciate that learning how to walk is hard enough without someone screaming in your face. But I was so excited.

The next day, I wasn't sure if I really saw her first steps or if I imagined it. Then she did it again. I didn't say anything. The day after that she took more steps. She can now make it from the couch to the TV. She is demonstrating her walk abilities a lot. She is mastering this walking thing.

And in order to help her, I don't say anything. I don't fall to my knees. And I only cheer a tiny, tiny bit.

~ humps

Going, Going, Grey

It was a busy day. Waking up late after a night of crying baby. Rushing through breakfast, and that weird dance of getting self and child ready. Showers and toothpaste and onesies and baby lotion. Did I put on deodorant? We were already behind schedule. I was trying to calculate if I had enough gas to make it to the destination, or if I should stop. How much time would that add on? Did I have cash? Am I going to find parking? Snacks! I should make sure to pack some snack in the diaper bag. And more diapers. And refill the wipes container. Don't forget an extra change of clothes. I bundled BABY up in her snowsuit, then her stroller. She looked up at me, barely able to move, with her pink and brown winter hat falling over her eyes. Why did I bundle her up so much? We were only going to the elevator and underground parking garage. Naah, leave her. I should bring the stroller with me.

We got home hours later, after many miles, spilled pear slices, circles around the block for parking, and gas station fumes. I put off meeting a friend for dinner to buy some time for an afternoon nap - BABY not me - and a snack - me not BABY.

I went into the washroom convinced that I should just put on some lipgloss - because surely shiny lips will distract from my exhaustion. As I bent over the sink, I saw it. The light danced over it and like a mirror reflecting rays of sun it caught my eye. As plain as day. A grey hair.

What? Huh? Is that a...

It was a grey hair staring at me on the other end of the mirror. I wiped the top of my head at first, because I really didn't want to overreact about some fluff. Then I leaned into the mirror and isolated the curly strand that sat on top of my head. It was attached alright. It was just like the other hairs that lay around it. But this one was white. Very white. My first grey hair.

My mind immediately re-traced my steps today. Recognizing that (1) I was walking around with a grey hair all day today. When did this happen exactly? And (2) my daughter is giving me grey hairs.

My not one to blame others, but really, how else could this have happened. Clearly my mom lifestyle is sending a message to my body that says, "Pack it in! She's a mom. Game over!". I'm too freaking young to have grey hairs.

After a few emergency phone calls - gotta reach out to the life line on things like this - I pulled the grey hair out by the root. And so it begins....

~ humps