July 5, 2010

Confessions of a Man-Hater

I am not a bust the windows of your car, throw your clothes out of the window, light your house on fire type of woman. I wouldn't say that I am a woman scorned. I tend not to use loaded, overly passionate words like Hate too often.

I am a single parent. I raise my hand as a person with relationship issues (because I am either a terrible judge of character or naive, and someone who can't "make it work".) I am jaded. I am skeptical. Where I once believed in love at first sight and happily ever after, I sit in the cold, wet reality on the outside of that fairytale. "Snap out of it kid. Life doesn't work like that."

Although I can go on and on about how these feelings are internalized, I am very comfortable admitting that I blame men for these issues. Not a man, or a few men, I blame MEN. All of them. I blame MEN when it comes to relationships.

MEN are dogs. MEN suck. MEN are selfish. MEN will break your hearts, if you let them.

Sure they are good, great even, at lots of things. They have wonderful qualities. I'm not convinced, though, that MEN can do one to one relationships. Not sure how to explain why I feel that way other than to say that I'm holding out for evidence. I have lots of examples to the negative, not many examples to the positive. Generalization? Yes.

Yes, I am extrapolating the experiences from one and cascading it to the billions. I am generalizing a gender. I have used my great wisdom earned from just a few broken hearts to fuel blacklisting of many.

I may not say it out loud but I am living in my "man hating world" when I meet your husband, boyfriend, fiance. Through my voice you'll hear "Nice to meet you!" or "How's it going?" but there's a fairly good chance that I'm thinking "He seems ok for now" or "Hope he doesn't fuck up" or "This is not going to end well".

This post is called Confessions of a Man-Hater for a reason. I am a closet man hater. I am a man hater who you would never suspect could be slinging such man hate.

Is there hope yet for me to escape my man-hating ways? I hope so. I hope that somehow this dark, abandonned heart will be warmed. I hope that I will wake up to the sun shining into my window and forget what it feels like to say "you suck" under my breath. I hope that I will turn the corner one day, moving forward to the horizon hate-free. I hope that I will put on my coat from seasons' past to find my rose-colored glasses in the side pocket and I will love love more than I hate men.

But right now I am wallowing in my untrusting, unbiased, unwaivering, funky to the core, brickwalls too high to surpass man hate.

These are just my confessions as a man-hater.


Anonymous said...

wow j. im a lesbian and i dont even hate men that much LOL!

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