Sweet Dreams

My baby girl is little. She's just five months old. She can't walk. She can't talk. She hasn't started sleeping through the night. And although she is growing up so fast, and learning to walk, talk, starting to sit up and roll over, I hold on to our late night routine. I don't mind that she isn't sleeping that full 11 hour stretch.

Half way through the night she wakes up for a feeding. I pick her up from her crib and carry her with me to bed. I nurse her laying on my side, both of us in a half slumber - slow and groggy, moving in the dark. In each other's arms it is comfortable, and warm. Awhile passes until I ease myself into sleep once again. She falls back to sleep before I do. During that time I listen to her rthymic breathing, and her head turning as she finds a comfortable position. I watch her chest move up and down, and her eyes flicker in what I imagine are reactions to her fairytale dreams. I study the shape of her open mouth, the way she curls her fingers into a fist. She is so tiny, but still so much bigger than she was just five months ago. I try to remember how small she was then. I am starting to forget. The pictures don't do it justice.

My eyes get heavy. I fall asleep. I lay perfectly still. In my dreams I think about things past and things to come. I remember the things that we did earlier in the day. The things that we did, people that we met and places that we went. Time passes.

The sun is peaking through the closed blinds of my bedroom, and another day begins. Beside me, my little girl is awake before I am. Her big brown eyes are alert and sparkling. She babbles to herself. She reaches up and touches my face, and grabs my nose. When my eyes open, her own open a little brighter. A smile blooms across her face in a way that says, "What took you so long? I'm so happy to see you." I give her kisses. Her big brown eyes and smile are the first things that I see in the morning.

Before the day begins I pinch myself - I am so lucky.

The rest of day is spent doing the silly, often embarrassing, inhibiting, immature things to get her to smile again. And if I'm lucky, to hear her beautiful laugh. We pass the hours together, until it is time for bed once again. I can't wait to do it all over.

~ humps