No-Kid Friends

Some of my friends are married - happily and otherwise. Some have children - young and old. Some are single - and either loving or hating that. I have friends that are in all stages of life. And not too long ago, I was one of their single friends. Dating but loving the "single life". And faster than you can say, Tequila!!, I was waddling down the baby path.

Now I am a mother.

As much as it is an adjustment for me, it seems to be a bigger adjustment to some of my friends. And I understand. Before I had a child of my own, it was hard for me to really "get it"; that unique situation that the parents around me were going through.

Now that I sit on this side of the bassinet, as a service to those of us who recently became parents, here is my quick list of the things that I have learned:

- No-Kid Friends don't understand if you can't meet up for lunch with just twenty minutes notice. Leaving the house needs to be carefully coordinated. There are nap times to consider. The process of taking a shower comes with it's own complications. Diapers must be changed and babies put in endless layers of clothing. People with babies need to pack bags with lots of extra items. It's not that we don't want to see you No-Kid Friend. We just need lots of notice. Lots. Of. Notice.

- No-Kid Friends think that you let yourself go if your hair isn't combed when you finally see them. Whereas your With-Kid Friends are much more observant. They see that you are wearing clean clothes, a belt and Chapstick! They are happy that you were able to take a shower and leave the house. They overlook little things like bad hair and spit-up on your shirt. They understand.

- No-Kid Friends will ask you things that could potentially cause a breakdown - like "Is BABY sleeping through the night?" when BABY is still only two weeks old and you haven't slept in over two weeks. They don't know any better. And trust me, losing it on them is not gonna help. They will learn in due time.

- On the other hand, No-Kid Friends don't want to hear about diapers. They don't want you to tell them the poo-explosion story, as funny as it may be to you in your current state of delirium. They will smile at you as you tell the story, but they won't laugh. They may even turn in the other direction as they try to suppress disgust. Your With-Kid Friend will share his / her own poo story.

- No-Kid Friends don't spend extended periods of time looking at your baby, holding and rocking the baby and making faces at the baby. They are more easily bored by this no walking - no talking being. Those No-Kid Friends have very short attention spans.

- No-Kid Friends still plan those great events, nights out and get-togethers, even after you have a baby. Events that require weeks of breast pumping to have sufficient supply to leave the new baby, hours of painful engorgement while trying to make small talk with people that you don't know, and too long lingering over the pictures of your baby in your digital camera.


Your No-Kid Friends don't mean any harm. I know, I was one of them. They just don't get it. They are innocent of the complex dealings of the new parents. And frankly, they don't want to know. Soon enough, maybe as a result of some tequila, they too will walk down the baby path. And then it will hit them.

New With-Kid Friend,
humps