January 6, 2009

The M-word


It hits me every so often that in a few months our lives will change. We will go from being two to being three. I will be a mother. Even when I sit in my office thinking about it, or lie in bed imagining what that could feel like, I know that there is no preparing for/ anticipating it. I am going to be a mother and that is exciting, terrifying, humbling, energizing. Am I ready? I have no idea.

I was talking to a friend of mine that I have known for at least 15 years. We were friends in high school. We both were moving down the same career path, and therefore spent a lot of time in the same classes. I could create a whole post about the funny things that have happened to us, and our whole circle of friends, over the last decade plus – through school, college/university, first jobs, boyfriends, fianc├ęs and kids. She, like a few of my friends, is a mom. Her daughter just turned 5.

Like most people, her reaction to the news that dad-to-be and I were HAVING A BABY was of shock, excitement and jubilation. (I have such great family and friends). And my words to her – I need you. How can I possibly do this??

She revealed to me last week that I was the last person that she thought would be having a baby right now.

Me: “Are you serious? The LAST person? Come on.”
Her: “No babe, really. I didn’t see that coming.”
Me: “But the LAST person? Of all the people that we know. Did you not think I could have a baby?!”
Her: “Really the last person. What about your industry parties all the time, you and (dad-to-be) were out every weekend – cabing from the condo downtown. You were focused on your career. You were traveling. What about moving? Did you not break up with (ex boyfriend) years ago for trying to move you in to the house in the ‘burbs.”

She may have been right. Honestly this time last year I thought so too. I was focused on other things – mostly myself. Dad-to-be and I were planning a move to the US just before we found out that I was expecting. As soon as I looked at the stick with two lines I knew that everything happens for a reason. Even though the baby was a surprise (for us and everyone else), that doesn’t mean that I’m not exactly where I should be – waiting to meet this baby face to face. That doesn’t mean that this isn’t the best thing that is happening to us. It is.

So during those days of self-doubt, when I think that there’s no possible way that I can do this whole mother thing, when I question if I’m even equipped to do this, I remind myself that I wouldn’t be given this chance if I wasn’t capable. I know that I can be and will be a loving, caring and supportive mother. I am empracing the m-word.

I can’t wait.

3 comments:

verygoodyear on 4:56:00 PM said...

Pregnancy really is an amazing thing to have happen to you & your spouse. It changes everything, and even though you feel like you're the most important person in the world during your pregnancy, it's only because you're carrying the baby :)

A year ago I never thought I'd be here either. A year ago I had one of the worst nights of my life and saw a horrifying example of people who don't deserve to be parents. I just wanted to finish my residency, get a job, save up money for a house, and then in a few years think about a family... now I couldn't be happier for us to be in the situation we are, with parenthood pending... soon!

MBB Founder and Editor Denene Millner on 9:35:00 AM said...

"So during those days of self-doubt, when I think that there’s no possible way that I can do this whole mother thing, when I question if I’m even equipped to do this, I remind myself that I wouldn’t be given this chance if I wasn’t capable."

You hit the nail right on the head, my love.

Having someone call me "mommy" was the scariest proposition for me when I was pregnant with my first. I'm talking night-sweats scary. But oh, when I saw that face... I knew I could do it. Had to. Wanted to. Love to.

humpsNbump on 3:20:00 PM said...

Exhale. Thanks for the support guys.

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