March 19, 2012

Waiting, Not Writing, and Lots in Between

I have no idea how a year has passed since I’ve blogged here! Over a year! It’s now two thousand and twelve!! 2-0-1-2.

And well, I do have some idea that so much time has passed. I have to admit that there have been times that I’ve come here. This website. To write. And I’ve pressed the “new post” button. Sometimes sitting in front of the computer with the screen empty and the blinking of that skinny line where words are supposed to be. And I was paralyzed.

Writing Block?

I won’t call it a writing block so much. No. Not at all. I had things to talk about. I had a beginning, middle and end crafted into what should have been an easy to write prose of few hundred words. Divided neatly into paragraphs. It had my opinions, and things that were happening and had happened. And I’m quite sure that the grammar would have been meticulous. You would have thought that it was well written and witty, insightful and inspiring. As you can see, that post, the thoughts and musing, the pouring of my soul into words and punctuation didn’t happen.

When Do You Start?

There’s something that happens when time passes. When life happens. When life doesn’t happen like you think that it should. I have to admit that I have been left feeling like I don’t know where to start. I don’t know where to start not just in writing but in living sometimes. I don’t know where to start to chase my goals, to change situations, to share my feelings, to make good on promises, to live. And when you feel like you don’t know where to start, it is really really easy not to do anything. It’s easy to say, I’ll wait. Like waiting for a package of initiative to be delivered by mail. Like waiting for insight to pop up like a 70’s toaster oven. Like waiting for a 360 degree change to sweep you along like a rotating door.

Start Somewhere?

Do something!! Try something!! Write something!! I’m not really one for New Year’s Resolution of new commitments and programs and goals. But there is something powerful that happens with the arrival of Spring that makes you want to clear out the clutter, the cobwebs, to open the windows and cast light into dark corners, to shed layers of false security and to come out of hibernation. I’m not going to fight that. That’s bigger than I am. That may just be the initiative package, toaster oven and rotating door that I’ve been waiting for.

~ humps


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