Last night I had an amazing amount of mommy guilt. I also had mommy fear, mommy angst, mommy distress. I think I gave my baby girl a cold and I was paying the emotional price for it.
You see, last week I thought I picked up something. It could have been from the library, the playgroup that I went to, or the doctor's office. I'm leaning towards the later for reasons that I don't really have to explain to you. The next day I had an itchy throat which is always the first sign for me that a cold is a-brewing. I started operation Contain The Cold. It involved lots of oranges, limes with honey, ginger tea. I washed my hands even more frequently than I usually do. And as hard as it is, I tried to stay a safe distance away from "Baby". But there's only so much a mom can do when she's home with the baby all day, breastfeeds, and has a strong addiction to cuddling with adorable 3 month olds. I guess it was bound to happen.
The cold went through me in a few days. And then I heard it coming from her crib one morning this week - you would miss it if you weren't watching your sleeping baby like a crazy mother. It was there. Unmistakable. Her cough. She woke up with stuffed nose. But she had a big smile on her face.
It's hard for me to really say that she had a cold. Although she was coughing a little and had a stuffy nose, she was her usual happy self. She didn't seem to be sleeping any more than usual. She was breastfeeding just fine. It is obvious that I was way more occupied with it than she was. She didn't seem notice.
Last night my obsession reached a whole new level, admittedly. While baby was sleeping in her crib, as peaceful as can be, I heard that her nose was very stuffed. I was terrified. Terrified that somehow her nose would get so stuffed up that she won't be able to breathe. I couldn't go to sleep with her like that!! I stood there and watched her. I paced. I got all of the appropriate baby books off of the shelf and started to read them in the bathroom. (Well I couldn't wake everyone up with the lights!) I took her out of the crib and held her in the living room. I got out the first aid kit. At around 3:30 am started to read the instructions for the nasal aspirator. And then I went to it! Tried to relieve my poor baby girl of her congestion.
She woke up. Her eyes said it all. Why are you sticking this thing up my nose.
The nasal aspirator didn't really do much - mainly because there wasn't much to suction. Since I had the first aid kit out I took her temperature. She was fine. I was the one that was crazy. I nursed her and she went back to sleep.
I stayed up. Researching colds in babies, and listening to my sleeping baby breathe. Today she was perfectly fine. The nose has cleared up and she's coughed only a couple of times. It looks like the worst is behind us. Thank goodness it wasn't a full blown cold. Maybe tonight I'll get some rest. Or maybe I'll stay up just to be safe.... :)
~ humps
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